Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
