I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
