clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
