eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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