i dedicated my morning wood to you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
