i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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