I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
