Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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