I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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