i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
