this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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