no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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