What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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