i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
