I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
