seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
