He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
