i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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