Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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