I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
