That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
