YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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