No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
