Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
