We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
