My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
