i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
