FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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