Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
