I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
