I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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