On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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