I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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