____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
