I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize