Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
