If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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