if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
