'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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