so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize