Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
