I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
