I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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