The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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