Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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