what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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