So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
