she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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