my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
