I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
