Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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