If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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