alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
