just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
