Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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