Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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