i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
