I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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